In honor of the writers of "24" going all screwy on us this week, I am choosing to do my own bit of "shark-jumping" with this post. If Surnow and Co. can ignore logic and reasoning, well I sure can too. Enjoy!
Last Friday, I took in a baseball contest at Shea Stadium with my friend Rickey Henderson. While killing beers in the parking lot, I told Rickey about a silly idea I've had rattling around my brain for nearly ten years now: to do a stage production of Neil Simon's "Brighton Beach Memoirs" starring Godzilla as Eugene Jerome. As Wikipedia tells us: "Set in Brooklyn, New York's Brighton Beach in 1937... Eugene Morris Jerome is a Russian-Jewish teenager who experiences puberty, sexual awakening, and a search for identity as he tries to deal with his family, including his older brother Stanley, whom he idolizes." That story is all well and good, but it lacks an edge. What it needs is Godzilla. Are you with me?
I know, at first glance, it's an idiotic idea. But the play is about an awkward Jewish teenager trying to figure out his world, amid feelings of confusion and shame. What could be more confusing and shameful then being a fire-breathing mutant lizard with a really big tail? You see, Godzilla is inside all of us- at one point or another, we've all felt alone, out of place and extremely dangerous to Japanese people. Also, I'm sure Godzilla is Jewish, as 1) he never stomps Tokyo on Shabbos, 2) he doesn't eat pork or shellfish, 3) he doesn't pay retail, 4) he doesn't date Catholic girls (even though he really wants to) and 5) he feels his mother's guilt constantly.
And here's a snippet of the (updated) script:
Eugene's brother: I got fired today.
Eugene (Godzilla): MAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHH???
Eugene's brother: No, Eugene, you don't get fired temporarily, it's a permanent thing.
Yeah, so I'm currently raising money for this project. If any of you are excited by putting Godzilla where he truly belongs, do me a favor and order 500 Jack Sacks off the Amazon.com product link. And if you can't do that, drop me a comment below showing your emotional support. But money is really a lot better. Thank you!