22 hours later-- all of the death, destruction and screaming comes down to the fate of some whiny white kid from the good side of the tracks. I'm honestly baffled as to why we should give a flying pancake about the fate of Joshua "Josh" Bauer. Sure, he's Jack's nephew/son and he's a lot better at handling himself than his cousin/sister Kim when a crisis comes down (he kicked Cheng in the face like a rabbit going into the stew pot!). But why are we following the fate of this walking/talking MacGuffin? The boy is all together useless as far as we know. Unless Phil Bauer stuffed the kid with diamonds back at the hotel, he has no value. If you were on the lam from every American law enforcement agency, would you weigh yourself down with some weepy, kick-happy teenage boy? What? To protect the family line? Well, Phil, if you were so worried about that, you shouldn't be killing your kids! What does a grown man want with a teenage boy?
And this brings me to the place that many of you will probably want to toss heavy objects at my head for mentioning. Well... if any of you ever watched Dateline in recent months, you'll know what I'm implying here. I'm waiting for Chris Hansen to walk through Phil's door and say "Hey there! What are you doing?" Sure, Phil will likely shoot Hansen in the face before he could read the chat logs, but the point is that if you're going to push a crappy subplot like a grandfather kidnapping his grandson, ya might as well go the distance.
The point to all of this is that I cannot see why Pappy Bauer cares so much about taking his grandson to some far off place. To protect the Bauer legacy? Is Phil the baby-daddy? Gross as that may sound, at least THAT would make some degree of sense. Indiana Jones and Henry Sr. shared that Nazi dame in The Last Crusade, so it's been known to happen before. And this would make Marilyn Bauer the show's most prolific slut of all-time. But again, we're jumping a school of sharks going into this territory. This is 24 people! Teenage boys are supposed to be WATCHING the show, not figuring into the plot in the final two hours! And don't get me started about the U.S. government doing this trade with Phil. What's next, Vice President Daniels bets the entire Federal Reserve in a game of Three-Card Monte? Friggin' absurd, I tell you.
The first 50 minutes of tonight's episode were magnificent... but this Josh thing really bugs me. Hopefully the return of Bill Buchanan and _______ will right the ship once and for all. Copy that, Mr. Surnow?