We are your friends, we hope you never forget this. We are fierce warriors too! As boys, we are led to large open spaces where we match strength with Yeti cubs. It is, how you say, elementary school game in Uzbekistan! Then yesterday we receive short-wave transmission that Agent Jack Bower will not be back to defend your country until January, 2009! This is serious problem! If you need help, send the word. We have free time now! Rebels are less of problem this year-- we took away their rocks and gasoline. Now, they hide in trees and are being eaten by our native blood monkeys. Oh, what a glorious sight!
We also worry that King Bush is going to be overthrown! How can this be possible? Bush is a cunning war-monger. Very intelligent. One of my wives show me our latest Time magazine confirming this! It is dated October, 2001. Now a woman, and old man and some skinny guy named "CHANGE" want to make new nest of love in your Whitest House! I think Bush will defeat them. He drives large truck with no seatbelt. He defies even your smallest laws!
The other day, my cousin Hamza shows me booty-copy of news footage showing monster attacking your Newest York City. I am confused by this. I thought America defeated Rosanne Barr years ago! I offer you twenty strong men no older than 9 years old to help you defeat this beast. Consider them a gift. But if any of them survive your Cloverfeeldy, send them back to us so that they can finish their quality education here in Uzbekistan. We have our own "Leave No Child Behind" education law too!
If rebels reconstitute, we also ask for your help. Maybe you give us some shoes or something? We love America! Call us!