Friday, February 13, 2009

Valentine's Day For Jack and Renee: A "24" Picture Book!

You know the drill- we take pictures and twist the context into something insane. This week, in light of Valentine's Day, we have a vignette that Haley helped to inspire: President Taylor and the First Gentlemen each are planning something special for their significant other. That's where things go terribly wrong...

"Madame President, my name is Bill Buchanan. I used to work for CTU, as you know. Because the job market is so poor for ex-torturers and bureaucrats, I've parlayed my government experience into a freelancing sex therapy business-- turns out this town is full of potential clients. My associates here will help demonstrate some groundbreaking techniques for you and your husband to test out this Valentine's Day."

"Momma don't need no love-making lessons! Get my husband in here, he's the one that needs the instructional course."

"Yeah, the husband. Um, Jack do you want to tell the President where Mr. Taylor is?"


"Madame President... our intelligence suggests that your constant taunting of the First Gentleman's lack of virility has driven him to an underground sex club. He's there now, learning some really freaky business."

"He left home without me packing his juicebox and lunch?!? Get him on the phone now."

Moments later...

(President Taylor's voice on phone): "HENRY! Are you crazy? I'm worried sick about you. Do you have your asthma inhaler? Are you lost? Go to the first police officer you can find and tell him where you live."

"Um, I think I walked into a mafia card game or something, honey."

"Card game? Sweety, you can't even play solitaire. Get your tush back to the White House and you and I are going to have a long talk about boundaries and responsibilities!" (pushes button to end call).

"You're in for 6 large to us, pal. You think you can roll up in here and walk away without having to pay the vig? Take his motherf@#$*ing finger off!"

"I just wanna watch Spongebob!"

"If it's all the same, we're on the clock. So, do you want us to do a couple of quick demonstrations for when your husband gets back later?"

"Well not too quick... why don't YOU come over here."

"Renee, I'm going to be picturing something else to get me through this one..."
"Jack, you're the bravest man I know."
"Copy that!"

One minute and 32 seconds later...

"You tell Bill Buchanan I'll be in the car-- scrubbing vigorously."

"Mr. Bauer, wait! The President wants to give you the Presidential Medal of Freedom for your recent, if not brief, acts of loyalty to this country."

"Oh Jesus, I'm gonna throw up."
"Just look at my chest again, Jack. It'll be okay."

Meanwhile...


"MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

8 comments:

TONYJUNKIE said...

"You tell Bill Buchanan I'll be in the car-- scrubbing vigorously."

Haahahaha...There's something frighteningly wrong with the way your mind works.

jackster said...

Haha, TJ, I was going to point out that same line, I loved it. And each picture worked absolutely perfectly with the caption.

I love the one Jack looking down, and Renee says, "Don't worry Jack, just look at my chest, it'll be alright."

(Crowd starts screaming): We want more! We want more from the Jack Sack!

Rickey Henderson said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

ammodytus said...

Amazing!

Yeah, the best line: "Don't worry Jack, just look at my chest, it'll be alright."

LOL

Sally Jo said...

Who said romance is dead on 24 (and at the Jack Sack)? Loved it!

Anonymous said...

Lol. You are so good at making a scene look like something completely different

Brittany said...

Oh, man, Adam - if it is Adam who wrote this - you are just TOO FUNNY! I mean, super creepy, sure - but FUN-NY! :) I can't even pick out my favorite lines, there are too many.

Your creative efforts never cease to amuse me. I don't know where you come up with this stuff. But I'm glad you do! :) Kudos, man. Bravo.

(And in a random note that I don't know where to put so I'll put it here: my life has been more entertaining since I discovered The Jack Sack a mere week and a half ago. :) Keep on keepin on!)

Adam said...

Wow, Brittany, I really appreciate your kind words. I'm happy you're enjoying it all. I haven't done a picture book for Season 8 yet... hmmm :)

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