Monday, November 08, 2010

24 Season 1: 6PM-7PM Outsourced Retro Review

It's your Absentee Landlord here-- Many apologies to everyone for the lateness in posting Spencer's review.  I've been overwhelmed and exhausted by work- I know, boo-freakin-hoo.  I am sincerely grateful for everyone's continued contributions, and Spencer- thank you, man.  You've turned in another great piece- which I share with you all here:

Helloooooo, I'm Spencer. I substitute for Adam and write crappy reviews so YOU don't have too.(jk)

So, where are we now? Well, it appears that Dr. Russell Crowe has brought Tear-me Bauer to her house. Gee, it sure is a good thing that Dr. Russell Crowe doesn't like molesting people with amnesia. Meanwhile, Zee Big Russian Mon is peeking his head out from behind a tree, and...I'm sorry, but that's just funny. I know we're supposed to take it seriously, but it seems so cartoony for a villain character to be hiding behind a tree and peeking his head out menacingly. All that's missing is him saying, "Ha-ha, they've fallen right into my trap! Soon everything will fall into place and I'll be able to take over the world!"

Anyway, the two get in the house using a hidden key, and either R2D2's having some fun in the bathroom or the alarm goes off. Tear-me Bauer calls someone asking about how to stop it, and the lady asks for the password. Man, I really wish Tear-me Bauer would've said, "Lady, if I knew what the password was, first of all, I would've been able to turn it off myself, and second of all, if I knew the password, it wouldn't have gone off in the first place because this is a show! Use your brains, bitch!

While this is all happening, Nina tells Jack that the name of the most inconveniently shot man in history is Allen Morgan. Jack takes interest in this information. He and Nina are doing pretty well, though Bauer's still upset that he shot Nina, not because he likes her, but because since then she's been wearing long pants. Shakespearean tragedy for both Jack and the audience. I do have to say that these two look like Mulder and Scully when they're investigating. It's quite awesome.

Two cops come in to Tear-me Bauer's house and point guns, but she and the doctor put their hands up, so the cops are like, "Alright, you're cool.", and put their guns down. Innocent until proven guilty, I guess. Anyway, one of the cops knocks on the bathroom door and yells, "Get a life and stop thinking about C3P0!". The beeping stops. He then asks for Tear-me Bauer's ID, but doesn't need it when he's convinced that she lives here by all the photoshoped pictures in the house.

Jack spends a few minutes having a conversation with like, half the characters in the show, and when he's about to go off driving to investigate, George Mason reveals that he always wanted to be a taxi driver, so Jack gives him some pity and lets him drive.

Britney Spears is still stuck at the house with Rick, and Dan's brother is getting pissed off at the lack of breakable objects. He does finally learn that Dan's dead, and...brakes a lamp. Rick wants to call off the deal, and Mr. I Want to Break Things says, "We can't call it off with the drug dealers. We have to point guns at them and rob them!".

The Palmer family gets into one of those arguments that many people would get into if most families still ate dinner together at a table. The daughter has a two-second long seizure. Ah, the never-ending Palmer drama.

Tear-me Bauer's still trying to get her memory back, so Dr. Russell Crowe turns on a song from Britney Spears' music player. The only memory that she gets back is being in bed the night before with Jack. I have to say, I know I've been picking on him, but Dr. Russell Crowe seems ok. The writers are trying to make him look creepy, but he just seems like a guy that's trying to do what he can to help out this woman that he really cares for.

David's trying to keep the family together, but Sheri's like, "Hey, if you ain't gonna be president, I ain't gonna be some nice-ass wife! Fuck that shit!" Dr. Russell Crowe is talking with Tear-me Bauer about hotdogs and air-hockey. Some friend of Crowe's named Frank arrives to protect her just in case someone tries to kill her, but she decides that she doesn't like hospitals OR guns, so he stays outside. (And I love how this minor character's name is Frank. This won't be the last time the show practically makes fun of the name.)

David Palmer begins a pretty ass-kicking speech which foils Carl and his group's plans. The speech, which includes his concerns with Allstate's stand, will probably meet with praise from the general public. During this, Mason and Bauer arrive at their destination and find a door. Yay.

Well, the deal goes at the slaughter house, and Dan's brother and his friends manage to rip the drug dealers off....until they find that the drug dealers are cops, and they find this out by getting arrested BY the cops. Gap-tooth Larry hugs David after the senator finishes his speech, and finally a small scent of hope enters David as he starts to think that things might turn out well.

Dr. Russell Crowe shows Tear-me Bauer pictures of his ex-girlfriends, but Zee Big Russian Mon finally gets tired of hiding behind trees and shoots (sniggers) Frank, right when the poor guy needs to use the restroom. Russell Crowe only gets a bullet through the shoulder, presumably so that Zee Big Russian Mon can torture him if he has to so Tear-me Bauer will tell him where Kim is.(You know that a character's going to survive on 24 if they get shot in the shoulder.)
 
Zee Big Russian Mon begins to interrogate the woman, but he gets shot and killed by none other than Tony Almeida. KICKASS. The episode ends with the Palmer family preparing themselves for what lies ahead, Britney Spears going to prison(lol) and a helicopter flying by Jack and George, with Jack saying, "Someone knows we're here.". Not surprisingly, the episode ends on that note.

Of the reviews I've made, this was the most fun, no doubt with help from 9 hours of sleep, a couple of sodas, a steak, and a day off from school. Adam, I hope that your absence will come to an end soon, and if not, I would be happy to do more reviews.

So yeah, to be continued, dah-dah-dah.

Editor's note: Thank you, Spencer- a steak dinner suits you well.  I too hope to crack open a soda, grilled filet, the Season 1 set & get back to what I love- writing about the insanity of Jack's world.  In the meantime- everybody, please keep 'em coming. You're keeping this blog afloat, and I am truly thankful for and entertained by your awesome work.

24 comments:

BauerLuver said...

Wow.

Tony?!?!? I would have said Nina with a bazooka before Tony! I didn't even know he could shoot a gun (well I guess there was that one part with Jaimie before) but still!

Glad to see my 24's back on! I'm guessing that the next review is Alex's, so I'm definitely looking forward to that. Only five hours left, peeps!!

Tony, wow....

BauerLuver said...

Oh yes, bravo to Spencer for a marvelous review!
And does anybody know how Tony got there so fast? Did I miss something?

Dr. Alice said...

The Jack and Mason scene here is the one that would have made me write "George Mason" in my notebook and draw little hearts around it, if I had a notebook. It epitomized their characters so well, Jack scrambling over the fence and Mason finding the open gate and using it with a satisfied smile on his face!

Also liked the ongoing Palmer family drama in this episode, and yes, I felt sorry for well-meaning doc character. He had to cancel all his patients for the afternoon, babysit Teri (who doesn't even know who he is anymore), and gets paid for his trouble with a bullet in the shoulder! Poor dude.

Alex Getts said...

Spencer, you always make me chortle.
I think it'll be a few days until I can even get to the next episode (I think I'm next on the list?) so everyone enjoy Spencer's review!

Spencer said...

@BL- Yeah, but it was awesome. It's just kinda one of those awesome Tony moments that everyone forgets.

@Dr. Alice- I loved the fence scene.

@Alex- You don't have to go next. We've been mixing it around, but if you want to do the next review, take your time.

Dietcoke said...

Excellent review. Tear-me Bauer has got to go. How on earth did Jack Bauer end up with her and have a daughter like Kim?

BauerLuver said...

Guys, does anybody still think Tony might be a mole? Saving Teri was epic but he was still our #1 suspect. I think it would be a super twist if Teri was the mole, but I doubt that that will happen.
We know it's not Jack, David, or Nina, so who do you guys suspect? I'm a little unsure...
Hope the next review is going great Alex!

Spencer said...

Jack, Nina, and David? Now hang on a second, how do you know that none of these characters are the mole?

This show has made it very clear that we shouldn't trust anyone under any circumstances. Saying that those three characters can be trusted is probably doing EXACTLY what the writers are hoping we'd do.

....so I'm gonna go ahead and say it's DAVID.

Dietcoke said...

Tony is a good guy. He made the statement that Jack made all the right calls this day even if he didn't like his management style or the fact that he shacked-up with his girlfriend. AND he saved Teri. I REALLY like Tony. He's such a good guy, I'd put my trust in him forever.

I think that George guy is our mole. He's got shifty eyes.

@Spencer, I think you're wrong about David. We're going to be in good hands with him for a long time.

BauerLuver said...

Hehe I'm loving these Allstate references!!
You're right dietcoke, there is something a little shifty underneath all of George's dry sarcasm. And let's not forget how willing he is to put Jack's family in danger. And he's also very nosy. Suuuspiiiciiooussss....
Tony is also warming up to me (it's either that or he's very good-looking) but I hope the writers aren't trying to lure us into a false sense of security about him. And why would David plot his own assassination? He doesnt seem the suicidal type.

Dietcoke said...

BauerLuver, we KNOW George is crooked, he didn't want Jack to send the dirt he had on him back in the pilot. Jack doesn't trust him. Besides, he's corporate and nobody likes corporate.

Yes, that Tony guy is good-looking and the rules of television have always been the-not-so-good-looking guys are the bad guys. Handsome guys - good guys.

At this point the only people we (and Jack) can trust are Tony and Saint Nina.

Spencer said...

KIM!! IT COULD BE KIM!! THIS WHOLE THING WAS SET-UP...BY KIM!!

Dietcoke said...

Spencer, it CAN'T be Kim. Somehow, I just have never seen Kim as being a mastermind behind anything.

That said, she is Jack's daughter (well as far as we know) so I think she'll grow out of her dumb-blonde stage.

BauerLuver said...

Kim? Nah. But she might be working with the bad guys unconsciously somehow. Tony has earned my trust, but he hasn't reached the level of Jack, Nina, and David. I think my top three suspects are Teri, Kim, and George. Unless maybe Sherry is involved somehow...

Dietcoke said...

You are right, BauerLuver! I totally forgot about Sherry. Now there is a character I don't trust any farther than I can throw her...AND she's smart. She could totally be the mastermind behind this. She may want David dead so she can get a "sympathy vote" and get elected as president. It worked for the first female governor of Wyoming. Not that she killed her husband but she did get his job.

Sherry is the LEAST trustworthy person in the show. I have changed my vote. Sherry is behind all of this.

BauerLuver said...

Yeah, that really actually makes sense! After all, the seemingly-perfect couple of David and Sherry has been spiriling downward all day. I really wouldnt put it past her. And, as wife to David, she'd have access to all sort of classified information (like Operation Nightfall!) AND she could still be feeding the bad guys classified info! Why she's doing it is a little murky, but we'll probably find out if this is true!!

Alex Getts said...

Can someone else take the next episode? I'd love to, but I'm slammed with my free time for a bit. I can do the episode after that, though. I'm just a little hard-pressed with work, family, school, and a contest closing out on my site to review the next episode in a timely manner. Sorry, guys. But I can review the 8:00-9:00 episode over the Thanksgiving break.

BauerLuver said...

I'll do it, if it's ok with Spencer or anybody else who can volunteer!

Spencer said...

Fine with me. :)

BauerLuver said...

Then I'm on it!

BauerLuver said...

It's sent!

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