Monday, April 26, 2010

24 Season 8: 10AM-11AM Quick Review

Jack doesn't just want names, he wants proof! Jack doesn't just want revenge, he wants justice! Dammit!

And he does so by hijacking a helicopter. Interesting first move. I would have taken a NYC yellow cab, as CTU seems powerless against tracking one of those things.

Jack and The Jack Sack quickly land the "choppah!" and dissolve into the human masses of New York. Chloe, the sarge in charge of CTU, sets Chico, Jr. in motion to lead the hunt for the world's most dangerous man and manpurse. This ought to be interesting!

Meanwhile, President Taylor whines to Ethan Taylor about this stupid peace treaty and Kanin tells her "Youse got bigger problems! You're gonna gets impeached, boss!" or something along those lines. He gives her an out- come clean publicly about the Russians and save yourself, screw the damned fake treaty! Kanin speaks a whole ton of sense. If the name of this show was WHO'S THE BOSS? the answer would be Ethan Effin' Kanin! Thankfully, Taylor agrees (she doesn't want to share a cell with her daughter, right?).

When Taylor goes to tell Charles Logan that "your comeback tour is over, Chuck," Logan masterfully manipulates Taylor into keeping the lid on Walsh by denying her immunity. He offers a "private security group" take over the interrogation of Walsh sans immunity, an idea that is absolutely illegal, ridiculous and scandalous. So, maybe if the name of this show was CHARLES IN CHARGE, the answer to my earlier question would be... Charles? Well...

Jack acquires several new mobile devices in a ubiquitous electronics shop downtown, and tells the merchant "I don't need the chargers, I have The Jack Sack and it's a mythical accessory that keeps all cellphones powered in perpetuity." The store clerk just shrugs his shoulders and says "Okie dokie!" (in that Simpsons store clerk voice). Are you watching the same show I watch?

Back at CTU, Logan's hired gun, Winston Wolf arrives and offers to "clean up" the mess. Chloe masterfully halts the 'stache so she can hook up Jack with intel on where Walsh is being transferred "off-site." Alright, Chloe, way to help out Jack! And then the JULIUS CAESAR moment happens where Chloe calls Chico, Jr. and tells him "We're gonna trap Jack!" Even Chico, Jr. can't take this betrayal! But Chloe says something about a Presidential Order (like that ever mattered to her before?) and sets into motion Operation: Unbelievable Betrayal. Boooo! I kid, of course, Chloe is doing something mature here and she's not happy about it, I just like kicking up dust here. So, is Chloe the boss in charge? Is Gen. Al Haig in this episode? I digress...

But Jack isn't totally unprepared. He's friends with Mr. Blonde. And Mr. Blonde has guns, ammo, more guns, body armor, police-band radios, hair gel and enough Hawaiian shirts to keep Jack off the grid for 2 years solid. Virginia Madsen's brother is an awesome character actor and I am glad to see him join the 24-verse.

And speaking of awesome character actors, Bob Gunton's Ethan Kanin is truly magnificent. With a clear, earnest voice he gives Taylor one last plea to do the right thing. As Taylor counters with some seriously awful rationale for committing high crimes and misdemeanors, Kanin stands his ground and tenders his resignation. Taylor feels betrayed? Bah! Woman, you betrayed us!

Well, betrayal is the name of tonight's show- as Jack moves in with 300 lbs. of militia in his XL Jack Sack duffel bag, Chico, Jr. and his team are set to seize our man. But little do they know that Jack Bauer is the Stephen Hawking of not getting betrayed. He knew the play all along and turns the situation to his own advantage. Boy Scouts of America, take note! Jack Bauer is always prepared. And then Jack plays armchair psychiatrist and convinces Chico, Jr. to join the smallest CTU in the world- Jack's non-governmental outfit. Chico, Jr. doesn't disappoint- he signs up and I think he's just tickled that Jack would even bother to ask for his help! Awww, making friends is fun!

Towards the end of the episode, Ethan makes one last tough guy stand, facing off with Charles Logan (in a geriatrically thrilling scene!). So, who's the boss with Charles in charge? It looks like the good guys lost tonight, as Taylor reaffirms her devotion to a false peace. Ethan, now would be a good time to call up Aaron Pierce. This was en effective episode in setting up the end-game. Taylor is lost. Chloe is on the outs. Walsh is getting waterboarded. And Jack- well, he's just getting into his duffel bag of mayhem.

Monday, April 19, 2010

24 Season 8: 9AM-10AM Quick Review

Reeling from yet another dead lover, Jack Bauer has been ordered by the show's writers to drop all pretenses of his becoming a peaceful warrior (last season's entire story arc- adios!) and now he's returned to the well-worn trope of unstoppable rage. It seems that Jack Bauer is going to exit our TV world the way he entered it- as a broken, maniacal force of nature. Ah, symmetry...

After ten seconds of mourning her, Jack is only concerned with one question: "Who killed Renee?" That's a complicated question, Chloe tells Jack. And Chloe knows that Jack is absolutely going to interfere with her investigation. So, Jack says "I won't interfere with your investigation" which makes Chloe even more uncomfortable. It's really something to finally see Chloe be the weary "boss" dealing with Mr. Bauer. I'm telling you, Chloe as CTU Director is a stroke of storytelling genius.

Meanwhile, at Scumbag Cafe, Charles Logan pops in on the villainous Ruskie's light breakfast, setting off a conversation that reveals Logan is doing his dirty deeds again- leveraging his knowledge of the Russians' involvement in Hassan's death to manipulate the peace process moving forward. Who misses the Cold War? Come on, you know you do!

Jack is doing his own investigation, visiting Nuclear Rod-father Sergei at his arraignment on LAW & ORDER to set the tone for how things will proceed for the rest of this season. I have to admit, Jack Bauer Killing Machine is a great thing to watch, and Kiefer delivers his trademark quiet fury perfectly. But the cool thing is that in his quest for revenge, Jack actually broke the whole case wide open.  Way to go, Columbo!

The next move: Jack wants to interrogate Dana Walsh-- for real, now. Aw yeah. Jack delivers a classic line before entering the room "If I wanted her to be dead, she'd be dead." Chloe finds comfort in this, and Chico, Jr. is impressed by his mentor's complete machine-like demeanor. And once in the room, Jack goes to work on Walsh. Outside the room, Director O'Brian asks Chico to stop the slapfest, and Chico wisely says "Stay on target!" Walsh starts cooperating immediately, but Jack gets his whacks in nonetheless. This is professional courtesy that each person is affording the other in this scene. The slapping, smashing and punching are all part of the process for these two-- nothing personal, right? Walsh wants an immunity agreement- big freakin' surprise there, eh?

Back at the UN parking garage, Logan catches wind that Jack Bauer is on a rampage, and reminds his man-servant that Bauer "torpedoed" his presidency. Ha! Ah, Logan, you sociopath. He meets with Taylor and Kanin and one of the best scenes among professional actors plays out as Logan comes clean with Taylor that the Russians were behind everything, and even so, she's gotta play ball with them. Kanin plays the angel on one shoulder, Logan the devil on the other, and Logan wins the match. Gregory Itzin, where the frig have you been all season? Taylor agrees with Logan that she needs to tell Jack to stand down in order to continue a phony peace process to save face.  Taylor calls Director O'Brian and informs her of her pending arrival. Chloe quickly orders Arlo to stash his porno mags. And Taylor makes it to CTU from the UN Building in about 3 minutes. Real-time format... yeah.

As Taylor makes her case for peace, Jack immediately understands this is a political cop-out by his former "First Friend." And in true Bauer fashion, he yells at the President of the United States. Taylor has to go so far as to put Bauer on a leash so he doesn't disobey her orders to uncover the whole Russian plot (good luck with that, Madame President). I liked this scene a lot because it shows how good leaders do bad things, which is a taste of real-life. Taylor has legitimate reasons to choose peace over going after the Russians, but the moral stand Jack (and Kanin) take isn't overly simplistic. How do you negotiate a peace with a counterpart that has done so many things to undermine the whole process? Taylor is making a foolish choice, a deal with the Devil which will likely destroy her by the end of the season. Will she and Logan commiserate over some boxed wine about how Jack "torpedoed" both of their sham presidencies?

Jack makes the decision we all knew was coming since Renee got killed- he's going rogue. Jack & The Jack Sack™ hi-jack (see what I did there?) the helicopter that was meant to take him to some boring military base with stale coffee. Instead, Jack decides he's going to fly back to Manhattan to catch the new exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art one last time. Oh yeah, and to kill every last sonuvabitch that tries to stop him. Awesome.

I take back my skepticism over Renee's death. I was wrong. Jack Bauer has entered the game for real and this is going to get really interesting moving forward.

24 Season 8: Renee Walker is (Still) Dead

Reminder for fans, last week was not a bad dream- Former FBI Special Agent Renee Walker is dead. As is a tradition here at, we honor fallen heroes with a commemorative US postage stamp.

Monday, April 12, 2010

24 Season 8: 8AM-9AM Quick Review

What happened last week? Oh yeah, EVERYTHING!

The fallout from president Hassan's death kicks off tonight's sad piano music soundtrack. The whispers, the down faces... I feel like I'm watching a Lifetime movie of the week. Tony Al-Qaeda apparently survived several rounds to his person (no vital organs were hit!) but before you can sign Tony Al-Q's "Get Well Soon" card, a paramedic mole injects him with a colorless liquid. Renee walks by this paramedic as he leaves the scene, setting off her "Renee-dar" for a brief moment, but she's not pulling the trigger just yet.  It turns out that the mole is a Russian. A Russian mole! And he recognized Renee too. So, now Renee is a target. Uh-oh!

So, just as with the death of Chancellor Gorkon in STAR TREK VI, the chances of intergalatic peace are placed in peril with Hassan's untimely death. Who stands to benefit most? The Klingons? No, the Russians. Well, the Klingons are modeled after the Russians, so you would be sort of correct to guess them in the first place. And did you know that 24 is written by a lot of TREK alumni? This isn't all just in my head, folks. Standby photon torpedoes.

President Taylor wants to promote Hassan's wife to head of the Klingo-err Kamistan Empire. She argues for two minutes then catches the girl power vibe from Taylor and agrees.

Speaking of promotions, Chloe O'Brian is the new head of CTU! Holy shit! Hastings takes it like a professional.

Meanwhile, back at Casa de Bauer, 24 fans get what they've been begging for ever since last season- Jack and Renee play a game of Yahtzee. Wait, I didn't type that correctly- they screw like a pair of rabbits. yeah, that's what I meant. Sorry. Well, are you all happy now?

Back at the UN, Taylor is busy dealing with the evil Russian Minister Nopeaceinourtimeovich. He disputes the legality of everything and Taylor insists that he is a mean, drunk Ruskie and should go empty a bottle of Stoli in his office. He doesn't agree.  Taylor, desperate for some solution gets one from a miraculously recovered Ethan Kanin- call in the "cleaner"- the dirty one himself, Charles Logan. Nice!

Hastings gives a very graceful ten-word speech in which he tells everyone "thanks for all the shrimp." I've been on the record as a Hastings supporter for several weeks now. We know he will be redeemed. But I was sad to see a good man pack his briefcase in defeat. Damn you, Tim Woods.

And then the show gets 100 times more awesome with the return of Charles Logan. Logan has a solution to all of Taylor's problems, but being the shady bastard that he is, Logan won't tell what his plan entails. Taylor, like a desperate fool, decides to question Logan's motives and then let him loose. Oy... well, here's hoping Chuck is on the straight and narrow again.

Speaking of straight and narrow, we rejoin Jack and Renee in their afterglow. You do know this will end poorly, right? With the persistent Russian assassin hiding out across the street.  And yep, she gets shot. Jack reacts quickly, taking her to the best cab driver in all of Manhattan. They get to the hospital in 15 seconds. If Jack got her to the hospital any faster, they would have gone back in time. But, for reasons of plot convenience and a lack of deft storytelling, Howard Gordon and his crew decide to kill off Renee Walker.

I'm not writing this as a huge Walker fan, because I'm not one. I liked the character, and I think Annie Wersching is a fantastic actress. But as someone who cares about plot, this move smells of desperation.  They needed to motivate Jack that badly?  I have no emotional reaction to this move.

What's worse is that it comes on the heels of a very excellent setup from last week. Can they salvage this misstep? I don't know. Certainly, I'll be sticking around, but I care a bit less about what happens now because I'm too aware of the presence of the writing. Logan's return is a bright spot. Gregory Itzin is a top-notch talent. But setting off Jack on some maniacal revenge quest is about as original and exciting as a trip to the post office. I was hoping for something better.

24 Season 8: Charles Logan Is Back!

Tonight we get something that is long overdue- the return of Former President Charles Logan to "24." I still have that Tiger Woods Nike ad on the brain and it occurred to me that Logan needs to make amends with America too. Here he is:

Special thanks to Herc from Ain't It Cool News for sharing this video in his weekly 24 column!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Tiger Woods Nike Ad Parody [UPDATE 4/9/10]

UPDATE 4: I posted both of my original videos on Vimeo as YouTube has decided to start the weekend early and not address my counter-notice yet- so enjoy!

"Earl and Tiger" Nike Ad Parody: The Risks of VD from Adam Cohen on Vimeo.

"Earl and Tiger" Nike Ad Parody: Tiger Woods' Agent from Adam Cohen on Vimeo.

UPDATE 3: My video can be viewed here now. Also, check out several others at Marcus Leshock's site.  Marcus, thank you for backing me up, I'll let you know when things are resolved.

UPDATE 2:  The Huffington Post has selected my "Risks of Venereal Diseases" video for their article as well! YouTube, get your act together and lift the ban on my parody!

UPDATE 1: YouTube has followed Nike's marching orders and taken down the Venereal Diseases Parody video below. They claim the video infringes their Tiger Woods ad's copyright. This is not the case as my video falls within the Fair Use exception for parody. I am not offering the video for any commercial purposes either. Anyway, I have filed my counter-notice and await their reply. (I've been through this before...)

Off topic for this blog, but today Nike released an ad featuring Tiger Woods standing silently as the voiceover of his dead father speaks to him about learning from his mistakes, etc. It's exploitative and crass. So, I decided it was only proper that I do a parody of the ad, this discussing the various risks of venereal diseases:

And here's another one I did of Tiger's Agent pitching the dead father ad to the golfer:

As for the original ad itself, you can find it, along with a very well-written take on the controversy, at The Colonel's blog.

Monday, April 05, 2010

24 Season 8: 6AM-8AM Quick Review! 2 Hours!

Jack Bauer for 2 hours? Let's do this thing!


Things kick off with President Taylor being lied to by Gen. Burr and Chief of Staff Skippy about the whereabouts of Ethan Kanin. Again, nobody uses my "(fill in the blank) is making a number two" excuse, but there are a few hrs left in the season and I refuse to accept that 24 exists in a universe where nobody has to poop.

Meanwhile, Jack, Renee and the Hassan family are on the run! But not for longer than one minute, because President Hassan's courageous coif demands that he not let innocent people die. He knocks out Jack with some random piece of rebar (this guy's a refrigerator salesman? Please!) and he gives himself up to the paramilitary dude, who's angling for "Rogue Employee of the Month" (a monthly award that comes with a preferred parking spot at an undisclosed location).

Hassan gets on the phone with Tony Al-Qaeda and they have what is effectively a very unproductive conversation about making sure NYC doesn't go "boom-boom" Is Tony Al-Qaeda going to nuke the city anyway? I mean, he should, right? If he hates America so much, and he knows that Hassan is in the city and the U.S. president (along with other world leaders) this would be a golden opportunity to change the landscape of geopolitics in one swift stroke. But... no! With a strange montage of people doing nothing for 30 seconds, Tony Al-Q decides to let it get down to 7 seconds before he calls off the bomb. Full disclosure, I wasn't worried about the bomb going off. Were you?

Jack promptly escapes from the locked room and gets patched through President Taylor and gives what is the most efficient update of the conspiracy imaginable. It was deft writing, and perfectly delivered by Kiefer Sutherland. And thumbs up to Cherry Jones for flashing several kinds of emotions while listening to this debrief, not betraying her advantage over General Burr or Chief of Staff Skippy. This is "24"- this is the show I love. The cat-and-mouse game, the double and triple crosses... oh yeah, there's some legitimate tension being built here!

And then an instant classic moment took place. Taylor and a small army of Secret Service and military dudes kick in the door to Ethan's office, take Gen. Burr and Skippy into custody, but before Taylor lets The Skipster leave, she lays down a Presidential Bitch Slap!  Bitch Slap One has taken flight! (h/t Jim of Blogs4Bauer).

Back at CTU, the lights come up and Chloe and Dana are assigned to track Hassan's whereabouts with the ubiquitous traffic cams that litter the island of Manhattan. Well, Dana wants nothing more than to make a call to the terrorists reroute some servers for improved processing speed, which Chloe recognizes as a totally dumb idea. Chloe orders Dana to get back to her chair and do her job. Yet again, the bathroom excuse would have come in handy, but Dana is too full of pride (and not prunes) to make an excuse that no person would argue with... people, just say "I gotta go poop"... geez.

Eventually, Dana does what she needs to, calling the terrorists and telling them of the ambush point in Harlem. Arlo almost ends up USB cabled to death, but a timely call from Chloe on his doofy Bluetooth headset saves his malnourished, pale-skinned life. Dammit! We were so close to losing an annoying character.

So, Jack makes quick decisions which foil the escape attempt but not before the SUV carrying Hassan goes off the parking garage roof! Holy cow! Hassan is dead! No! He's alive! He was swapped out while in the garage to two terrorists in waiting- one that looks remarkably like that girl from PRINCESS DIARIES- I call her Anne Jihadaway for nickname purposes. Nice disguise, Anne! Nobody will notice your olive complexion contrasting with that platinum blonde wig... yeah. Next time, go with the "Cat in the Hat" hat.


Dana makes her first attempt to leave CTU for the lovely Ozarks from which she came and is denied exit by a very underpaid but efficient young man working the security desk. Lock down, baby! It ain't just a term for prison life! Well, Dana makes a few quick moves to get herself cleared to leave the office, but not before Jack, Renee, Chloe, Hastings and everybody else in the entire freakin' government figures out Walsh is the mole. So, Dana exits by way of violence. But she makes it to the parking garage and is stopped by her raging paramour, Chico, Jr. And what does Dana do after being caught? She asks to speak only with Jack Bauer. Interesting!

Jack arrives minutes later, does the interrogation and gets a list of demands from Dana that includes immunity, cash, some stuffed teddy bears and a case of Johnny Walker Blue Label. Jack decides he may only get one chance to put his hand around her throat, takes advantage of that chance, and then says "Yeah, lemme call the President." Nice!

Meanwhile, Hassan's mussed up 'do arrives at the Tony Al-Q safehouse where they swap old stories from the homeland and try to sort out their differences. This fails. So, the idea is that Hassan "confesses" to being a traitor to his people, after which point he will be assassinated on a web cam show. Ehhhh, what's up with that? Why are terrorists so caught up in the confessional videos? Is this a product of watching too many THE REAL WORLD episodes? Does Hassan have to say "I apologize for eating all of my country's peanut butter"? Heh.

With Dana's help, Jack, Chico and a bunch of CTU peeps gather an operation to save Hassan from having to make this completely senseless web show. Tony Al-Q tries to torture Hassan but this doesn't result in any capitulation. So, they go ahead with the web cam event without Hassan's cooperation. What these foolish terrorists don't realize is that Chloe O'Brian is on the good guy's side- and she determines the location, height, temperature and everything else you could ask for from the crappy web feed. Jack gives CTU their orders, and makes Renee promise that she'll be awesome and deadly during the whole operation. Renee says "Yeah, sure." Jack says "No, you have to say 'I promise to be awesome and deadly.'" Renee frowns, and so does every American older than 6 years old- seriously, when was the last time you forced anyone to sincerely make a promise? For me it was the 1st grade, when I made my friend Tim promise to stop eating glue.  It was for his own good.

Well, the ending was thrilling- building up to Jack and Renee stopping the assassination within moments... but... wow. I was genuinely surprised by the ending- that the video was pre-recorded and that Jack arrived too late.  Hassan was already dead. It was a completely surprising and emotionally strong twist. Anil Kapoor did a magnificent job with this character- imbuing Hassan with nobility and genuine flaws. Great job, sir.

The show has reemerged from it's first-half of the season funk. I am writing this amazed at the excellence of these two hours of television. Finally, this show is legit again.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

CLASH OF THE TITANS: The Jack Sack Movie Review

SPOILERS (like this could be spoiled...)

Alright, listen up folks: I have seen the end of the world and it is hollow mediocrity. CLASH OF THE TITANS or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE DEMI-GODS is a whimsical tale of a bunch of lonely Gods, lonlier demi-gods and scores of humans that have spent far too long in the sun. This entire film is about people who just want to be loved. The land of the Greeks doesn't need a hero, it needs a group therapist who will help everyone work out their resentment issues.  But, a hero Hollywood gives us-- a man who will punch and slice his way to a happy resolution!

Perseus, (played by a demi-human meat popsicle named Sam Worthington) is a boy with a big future ahead of him, or so says his adoptive father, who fishes baby Persy out of the waters in the film's opening sequence.  Ever notice how whenever someone finds an abandoned infant in a movie, they invariably say "This kid may have been someone else's trash, but I'm thinking he's humanity's treasure!" Sure, it was true for Moses and Superman, but not every kid is going to grow up to save the human race. You're just pumping up the kid's self-image a wee bit much is all I'm saying.

Well, Persy don't know much about the Gods, except that they make his family's business (fishing) really tough. Mercifully, his malnourished family is swept off his list of responsibilities in the first 15 minutes by a badass who looks a lot like Voldemort, Ralph Fiennes' Hades.  Hades is evil. How do I know this? he wears black, his eyes glow red and he runs with a pack of hairless winged demons. He doesn't have horns or a tail, so the symbolism is a little ambiguous otherwise, but my intuition tells me Hades is up to no good.

Hades notices his brother Zeus (Liam Neeson!) is down in the dumps about man not liking his really awesome statue, etc. So, Hades suggests that Zeus say "Release the Kraken!" so Hades can, in fact, release the Kraken and mankind would love Zeus again. So, this Kraken must be really cool if it will suddenly get humans to love the Gods again, right? For a good chunk of the movie, I'm stuck on this issue: "What's the Kraken?" Is it a new videogame or social networking website? I'm getting excited watching this movie unfold! The Kraken is coming! Holy shit, I hope it comes with fries!

So, Hades makes some grand entrance at Argos, a seaside retirement community for Greeks that have British accents, and tells the Argosians that unless they sacrifice their hottest resident, Princess Andromeda, he's going to "release the Kraken" on their little town. Wait, so they have to kill Andromeda so they can get this cool-ass Kraken? That's kind of screwed up, right? Eh, I've committed greater atrocities for soft-serve ice cream, so I won't judge them.

Thankfully, Persy is here to force someone to explain this Kraken thingamagig. You see, Persy is a handsome guy, but he's not the demi-god of gray matter, if you know what I mean. He sees a horse with wings and he's completely confused by the whole thing. Dude, I'm not from Ancient Greece and even I know what a Pegasus looks like!  This movie presents a rare occasion- where you could send someone back in time and that person would know more about the setting than the main character appears to understand!

But back to the important stuff- it turns out everyone thinks the Kraken is bad! Wait, wait, wait- the Kraken is not a new Pearl Jam album? Um, no... the Gods in this movie suck at public relations. The Kraken is a 200 500 foot-tall sea creature that has more teeth than a bus full of alligators. The Gods want to scare people by killing them and this will hopefully end in them loving the Gods again? Wha?!? Well, it made sense to Zeus!

But I'm annoyed that everyone assumes this Kraken is just the biggest jerk ever when nobody's even met him!  The whole movie is about killing the Kraken, who has up until now done absolutely nothing to these people.  Meanwhile, Persy is going through his "I'm not a God" angst, and he's killing creatures and making friends along the way. For a guy who says he's not a deity, he sure is a cocky fella. He's also in some weird flirty thing with Io, another demi-god who also happens to be several hundred years old and stuck in the guise of the exquisitely beautiful Gemma Arterton. She calls her predicament a curse! Gods, can anyone be happy in this movie?!?!

But back to whom I feel is the main character of this movie, Mr. 'Ken.  I'm sorry to say we don't get to know him well, if at all. He shows up at the tail-end of the movie to kind of say "Yeah, I'm the Kraken!" to the Argosians and their sacrificial princess, Andromeda. But just as 'Ken is about to have a refreshment and tell everyone he's not the supreme a-hole that everyone says he is, Persy shows up and starts threatening him. What gives, Persy? The Kraken's already sensitive about his body image, and now you're trying to kill him? Well, 'Ken does what he apparently knows best, smashing things by simply moving his body parts indiscriminately. This goes on for about 20 minutes. Princess Andromeda is tied up like Faye Wray from KING KONG but Kraken is just focusing on making big splashy waves, and growing. Where people see evil, I see a cry for help. But these Argosians and their hero, Persy, have to prove a point so they go and kill 'Ken.

How's the acting? Ha! Don't ask. I admit that I had a blast watching this, even though it was not a good movie. It's fun to see crazy stuff go down, even if it's poorly thought-out. If you go to see this movie, expect to be entertained without being engaged. Sometimes that alone is worth buying a movie ticket. So, while I cannot recommend this film in any good conscience, I do not seek to dissuade you either.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

24 Season 8 Spoilers: Finale Script Leaked!

I can't say how I got a hold of the 24 finale script, but I read through it late last night and came across some really interesting spoilers, which I'll share with you here:
  • Cole Ortiz gets assigned a K-9 partner, a Great Dane named "Scooby"- terrorist revealed to be some old dude living in a mansion.
  • President Hassan shaves his head, terrorists can't identify him, Hassan escapes America unscathed.
  • Chloe throws out her MacBook Pro and starts using a Dell.
  • Jack consults his personal diary, sees all terrorist plots are resolved in exactly 24 hrs. 
  • Jack finally tortures Dana Walsh-- by making her watch home movies featuring her and her redneck ex-boyfriend.
  • "Grandpa" Jack Bauer employs new catchphrase-- "Dagnabit!" Cole Ortiz giggles at this, gets punched in throat.  
  • Chloe has trouble with CTU's new coffee maker, NSA dude snarks "We have a whole new system now, O'Brien!"  
  • CTU Director Hastings makes "That's what she said" jokes, throws office party for no apparent reason.
and finally:
  • Terrorist successfully drags out story past the 24hr mark, FOX forced to renew the series until storyline ends! 
Updates on additional finale and 24 Movie Spoilers can be found on my Twitter page all day long.