Tuesday, May 25, 2010

24 Season 8: 2PM-4PM Review- Series Finale

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know singing

Come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure?
Or am I part of the disease?

                               "Clocks" by Coldplay

New York.

Cole Ortiz gets an update from Arlo- Jack has created a slaughterhouse. Cole believes that Jack is just set on killing bad guys and consoles Arlo, who is... inconsolable. Cole is also scared, but he has to do some manly shit to impress Mr. Blonde, which he does. Well done, Chico, Jr!

Chloe is at the UN telling everyone in person that they can trust Chico. The CTU agents believe Chloe. Well done, Chloe!

Chico & Chloe assemble a plan "on the fly" that will save the Universe. They know Yuri Suvarov's life is in immediate danger. Logan and his lapdog don't know this and tell President Taylor everything, which Jack overhears. Oy, we got problems!

Taylor returns to the roundtable and Logan gets into a freshly un-shot limo to return to the UN building. Logan's lapdog gets into his own vehicle and tells Eden to keep an eye out for Bauer. Oh wait, what's that? Bauer's in lapdog's truck? Ha! You've been punked, Piller!  Jack tells lapdog that he knows the Russian President is involved. Lapdog indicates non-verbally that he needs new undergarments.

Back at the UN, an international-looking group of people pow-wow about their awesomeness. Dalia Hassan hands President Taylor a guilt-ridden gift from her dead husband- a pen! I got a pen as a gift when I graduated law school. I lost it- it's somewhere in a box in my attic. One day, I will find this pen. When I'm not looking for it. Wait, is this episode still on? Oh yeah, Kayla tells her mommy that the Russians ordered the hit on Omar Hassan. They whisper this stuff. This is dramatic.

Chloe tells Chico that they're going to pull a "Firefly" and broadcast the damning evidence to the entire world (and every government employee) at once. SPAM filters will probably defeat this plan, but here's to hoping for success!

Outside a building across from the UN, Jack and lapdog pull up to the security checkpoint. The guard does not play along with lapdog's worried looks. Oh well, it was worth a try. When they pull into an empty underground lot, Jack makes lapdog suture up his wound. They are close enough to kiss, but what they really do is rehash the entire day's plot and reveal Jack's motives- Jack declares he's Judge Dredd. Lapdog cries that he has a basket full of puppies at home that he's supposed to feed in three hours. Jack loves puppies and for this reason alone, he spares lapdog's life. But that doesn't mean he can't beat him into unconsciousness! Jack is now loose inside the UN complex! He takes The Jack Sack XXL with him for an unscheduled tour. First stop- the gift shop!

Dalia Hassan goes to meet President Taylor, who is still holding that guilt-ridden pen.  Mrs. Hassan tells Taylor that she knows the Russians killed her husband. Taylor tells her it's a frivolous rumor. Mrs. Hassan tells Taylor that Meredith Reed is a slut yes, but not a frivolous one! Taylor's poker face begins to crack. Mrs. Hassan doesn't believe anyone could arrest a journalist for telling the truth. What country are you from, Dalia? (Writers of this show, you need to lay off the crackpipe, sorry). Anyway, lots of weeping and whining ensues about some peace treaty and trust. Dalia calls off the party and demands they call the caterer before they can't get their deposit back. Taylor then gets dirty- real dirty: she's offering Dalia World War Three "It will be decades before your country recovers." Damn, girl! You done gone off the deep end! What the heck am I watching?

Meanwhile, Jack gets his sniper's nest set-up. He makes a video confessional explaining what he's about to do. More motive! 24 fans, are you watching this? All of your questions are being answered repeatedly. Renee Walker is someone Jack was close to. He won't say girlfriend because fate denied them the chance to buy Pottery Barn furniture together- but he knows they were on track to move in if the Ruskies hadn't plugged her with lead. Dammit!

Yuri Suvarov pulls into the UN basement and is met by Taylor and Dalia Hassan. Suvarov tells Dalia he's sorry about her dead husband and asks to be taken to the hors d'oeuvres pronto. Taylor asks Dalia if she wants to share in cheese pinwheels. Dalia tells Taylor she doesn't want to become a fat, lying scumbag like her. Zing!

Back in his private haberdashery, Logan tries on yet ANOTHER new necktie, fresh from his ass-kicking by Jack Bauer. And speaking of Jack, Chloe gets the drop on him! There's a first for 24. But Jack puts the sleeper hold on Chloe ("Don't fight it, don't fight it"-- hey, Curtis Manning is watching this from his shiny-shirt heaven right now, laughing his dead ass off). Chloe takes a nap.

Jack calls Logan. Logan needs new undergarments to match his fresh necktie. Jack tells Logan to get Suvarov in his office so he can kill him. Logan succeeds, and Jack congratulates him on being a world class liar. This stuff is great. Logan is looking out his window with dread. Chico, Jr. gets Chloe's voicemail and calls in the tactical team to take down Jack Bauer. Dozens of men in windbreakers mobilize. The music soars!

Chloe tells Jack he's about to start WWIII. Jack tells Chloe to shut up. Dude, several years of telling Chloe O'Brian to zip it have never worked, why expect it to happen now? Jack has a moment of clarity and decides that killing Suvarov, while just, is not the best way to honor his dead... girlfrie- "person who was very close to him." He makes Chloe promise that she'll finish what he started with multimedia power. Jack tells Chloe to kill him. Chloe cries. Jack yells. Chloe cries a bit more. Jack pulls a gun on her, then he puts his gun to his own head and is about to blast his brains out and Chloe shoots Jack brilliantly in the shoulder. What are the Vegas odds this doesn't slow Jack down a bit?  Bazooka shells bounce off this guy at this point...

Lapdog arrives on the scene and senses that Jack and Chloe are in cahoots. He checks Bauer's recorder and sees there's no recording inside of it. He frisks Chloe and she asks that he be a decent chap and at least slip a $20 bill in her g-string. After Chloe leaves with the recording, lapdog learns that Jack was shot professionally! Oh, shenanigans! Before lapdog can call CTU to lockdown Chloe, Jack starts whispering at him. Uh-oh, lapdog puts his ear way too close to Jack's chompers. Wait for it... wait for it... oh yeah! Mike Tyson, if you're watching 24, you've been vindicated. Lapdog now has an asymmetrical set of ears (meaning he has only one ear left). While this is a great 24 moment, Chloe is still "locked down" and the recording falls back into the hands of evil.

Meanwhile, the 24 writers unfurl a prolonged peace treaty-signing ceremony that rivals the ending of STAR TREK VI. The Andorian delegation is seated in the front row. Their antennae signal they are hopeful for a new day in the Federation. Suvarov signs first. Dalia signs next. Taylor picks up that freakin' pen from the dead dude and stares at the treaty for 4 hrs until she decides all of her stupidity will never result in a meaningful peace. Justice is on the menu and it needs to be served. Screw the peace process! Let's get back to honesty and war!

Taylor runs off the stage and tells the ubiquitous Tim Woods to call Jack's medical transport and warn them that she ordered a hit on Bauer. Oh boy, that lady's got problems. Too late though, as we find Jack's ambulance smoldering from the ambush. Jack survives the crash (naturally) but is taken into custody by a group working for an unnamed government agency (probably the Department of the Interior, let's be honest, nobody's watching our Park Rangers).

Logan begins to understand that the jig is totally up for him and he kills his one-eared lapdog (woof?) and puts a bullet through his own head in order to avoid Federal prison food. But wouldn't you know it, Logan must have used the same bullet that Jack got shot with as an EMT informs us that Logan will probably survive. I love Gregory Itzin and Charles Logan is my favorite 24 villain, but come on guys- let the dude die already. This wasn't a cry for help- Logan really shot himself in the head. Let him go!

Jack is taken to a lot underneath the Williamsburg Bridge as a recently re-re-reinstated Chloe and Chico Jr. direct CTU to save Jack's life (on Presidential Order by Tim Woods). Okay, so the last 10 minutes have been jam-packed with plot, but we can follow this, right?

One of the "Park Rangers" has a lot of respect for Jack and tells him he's gonna kill him with love. Jack sasses him and this actually works in delaying things long enough for President Taylor to stop the murder of our man Bauer. Bauer is not gonna die (surprise!). The Park Ranger hands Jack the satellite phone and tells him some crazy old lady is asking to speak with him. Jack gets on the line and tells Taylor he's not giving up his quest to kick everyone's ass but Taylor tells him it's all good- she's going to tell the truth, resign her office and remand herself to the Attorney General. 24 writers, FYI- the Attorney General is not some super-cop. Axel Foley is a super-cop. Having her surrender to the Attorney General is like having the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court take payment for her overdue parking tickets. Silly!

Anyway, we get the big farewell scene. Taylor tells Jack to leave the country otherwise he's going to get arrested. Can't she do one of those pardon-thingies before she resigns? Come on, he deserves it! Just write it out on a napkin. It's cool!

But this is 24, and while we can go down ridiculous paths story-wise, we have to leave things off with a cliffhanger: Jack is now Batman at the end of THE DARK KNIGHT. He's on the run, a man without a country. Chloe and Jack have a nice chat about friendship which is fitting in its finality. Jack makes Chloe promise to stay classy and make sure the Russians don't send a pack of cougars to take down Kim (remember her? Yeah, I almost forgot too). And then Chloe says to "Shut it down" and out goes the predator drone camera. Jack dissolves into the digital ether. Next stop: Europe(?).

The End.

My thoughts: I don't think there was ever a perfect way to close out this series. I started this review by quoting a song's lyrics that I feel speak to the writers' view of Jack Bauer- that he's a part of both the cure and the disease of his world. Vigilantism is an old story- from Robin Hood, Zorro, Superhero characters, Godzilla and now Jack Bauer- and as such there's a long history of the hero being a loner. I enjoyed the way it ended, but I still feel that Season 8's greatest failing could not be resolved by this conclusion- namely the political plot.

It is nothing short of silly what we've endured with this whole peace treaty nonsense. Taylor (who was brilliantly acted in this episode) did things that were incredibly implausible. She was bent into a shape that was unrecognizable from her character last season. Her sole motive was to preserve a peace accord? And then to cover her ass when she hid the truth about the Russians? Ethan Kanin's reaction a few episodes ago should have been Taylor's reaction as well. The writers forced a showdown that made me scratch my head quite a bit. And I get what they tried to do, but they pulled the story too far down an absurd path for the impact of the conflict to resonate fully.

Luckily, Jack remained true to his character throughout- dogged, honorable and strong. His is an iconic persona- I'm glad he didn't kill Suvarov or Logan as he would have done more harm than good in his quest for justice. And he relied on Chloe to do the right thing- willing to give up his own life to preserve something within himself. It's a sad ending in that he was willing (and almost hoping) to die, but his dedication to justice was vindicated (albeit hamfistedly by Taylor).

Personally, I would have rather seen an ending in which Jack could have moved onto his next day with a feeling that things were better than he had found them 23 hours and 59 minutes ago. Or even many years ago... but the writers are not into that sort of character arc. There is no closure here, just a prelude to more of the same. I hope the movie pushes outward with this character. Kiefer Sutherland has a lot to offer here and Jack Bauer is more than bullets and persistence. His story encapsulates a period in this country's history that, for better or worse, has changed us forever. Just as I hope we all learn from this period and form a better set of circumstances for ourselves, I hope to see Jack Bauer move forward when we see him next.

Until then, let the discussion continue...

Monday, May 24, 2010

24 Season 8: 2PM-4PM Series Finale Open Thread

Have at it, you animals. My full review will be coming a bit later...

Monday, May 17, 2010

24 Season 8: 1PM-2PM Quick Review

Previously on 24: Jack is the smartest man on Earth. Tell me something I don't know!

Charles Logan is in the building! But for how long? I predict that Jack Bauer has something to say about that! And Logan's lapdog tells the former Commander-in-Thief that Jack is out for entrails- that justice is not the only thing on Jack's menu of death.

Jack tells Jessica Stein that she's in the same doghouse as he and Mr. Blonde. She is slow to understand what this situation means, so Jack has to demonstrate it by destroying her cellphone before her contract with Sprint® has expired. I hope she had insurance on that thing, but chances are she doesn't. Her cellphone book of uninspired gentlemen suitors dies in that very moment.

Logan, meanwhile, breaks it to Taylor that she's in a very presidential sort of trouble thanks to... well, his colossal screwups! And get this- he actually blames her for being such a dizzy broad! Wow- Logan really knows how to work a room. I have to say that, despite his evildoing, Logan is an amazing person. Insane? Sociopathic? Sure, but he'll kick your ass and make you apologize for taking it. This guy could teach us all a thing or two about life.

Back at CTU (the most passive agency throughout all of Day 8), Arlo and Chloe are pouring over surveillance footage of Jack's mall cop routine. They figure out that Jack's dead buddy, Mr. Blonde, is not dead. Sure, why not- a computer can't lie, right?

Speaking of Mr. Blonde, Jack has his buddy find Logan's location via the magic of computers. Mr. Blonde is kind of cranky about Jack's crazy plan, but like a real good friend, he makes only the obligatory "Jack, this is crazy" speech. This is who Jack always needed to work with-- a guy who is smart enough not to do the stuff Jack does, but is fully willing to enable his friend's trip off the cliff. It's like the bartender who feeds his patron a straight series of whiskeys and then says "Hey, maybe you should take a cab home- oh, by the way, I found your car keys on the bathroom floor, here ya go." Whatever lets you sleep at night, Blonde!

And Madame President is going off her own cliff- she advises the ubiquitous Tim Woods to CENSOR THE PRESS and violate the Constitution. Tim, ever the stalwart like Mr. Blonde, makes his obligatory protest and then says "Yes, Ma'am" in order to keep the plot moving along a ridiculous path. Rock on, Timmy!

Jack hauls his Jack Sack XXL all about Manhattan looking for a place to seize Logan. I would offer a product link to this duffel bag of justice, but none of you will buy it, and to anyone who would, I don't want to be a middleman in that transaction. You need help, people. I want you to promise me that you'll call a therapist. Please.

And then Darth Bauer shows up. Holy. Shit.

Wow. Words cannot describe the degree of awesome that unfolds. I will find that mask and I will link to where you can buy it. I give you my word. This year, all 24 fans are going as Darth Bauer for Halloween.

The entire world cannot fathom what's taken place. I'm sitting here questioning my ability to comprehend things as well. Jack Bauer took down a presidential limo (mind you a retired version, meant to carry former presidents, not the sitting one) and kidnapped the biggest bastard to ever walk this Earth.

Jack gets Logan alone and works him over good enough to get Logan to crack- which constitutes a little shoving and some yelling. That was hard! In Logan's defense, he spent a lot of time picking out that nice necktie, and Jack got it all wrinkled! Stupid, mean Jack!

Logan then gets dealt a patented Bauer-Sleeper hold- which gives Jack enough time to escape the area as Logan's lapdog closes in on their location. The lapdog is on the verge of tears when he sees his personal hero laying unconscious on the floor. He screams to his supermodel assistant "Eden! Eden! Logan's sleeping! OMFG! Eden we need smelling salts! Stat!" I am beginning to question the lapdog's mental health at this moment. Dude, Eden is where it's at! 

Eden, meanwhile, gives Chloe a hard time for reactivating Chico, Jr. Chloe's response: You lost Jack Bauer, you fat bitch. Owned. Chloe then has to explain to Chico, Jr. that he's allowed to find Mr. Blonde, but he has to keep his stupid mouth shut. Chico seems okay with this, and conversationally asks "Has Jack resurfaced yet?" Chloe deadpans "You can say that..." Awesome. 

Jack inflitrates Russian security so he can follow down Logan's intel on Minister Nopeaceinourtimeovich being the mastermind of the day's awful events. Jack runs into some Ruskie limo driver who gives up the goods on the security situation very succinctly. Finally, someone knows what to do! Just tell Jack what he wants to know already! We have 2-plus hrs to go! We're running out of time! (drinks). And then Jack kills a few more Ruskies in Grand Theft Auto style. This episode is epic. 

Jessica Stein gets a call into the most useless person imaginable, Hassan's daughter. She tells Kayla about the whole plot but gets nabbed by the FBI within seconds of making the call. Taylor learns of Stein's arrest and signs her own death warrant by saying "Keep that evidence for me only." 

Meanwhile, Minister Nopeaceinourtimeovich turns up all sorts of dead and everyone on the side of evil is concerned about what he may have told Bauer before being skewered like a kabob. So, what's the big secret? That the Russian President was the one behind it all! Logan and Yuri are apparently pals, even though Logan almost got this guy killed a few years ago. Nice... well, lucky for them, Jack had Logan's phone tapped the whole time. And Jack's now completely up to speed on who needs to die. Two hours of 24 left. If they are nearly as good as this perfect episode, we're going out in a big way. Is it possible to be better than perfect? Of course, you fools! Jack Bauer is going to show us how it's done. 


Monday, May 10, 2010

24 Season 8: 12PM-1PM Quick Review

Previously on 24: Jack killed Dana Walsh and millions of TV viewers popped champagne corks...

Chico, Jr. proves he is not Mike Doyle in the first ten seconds of the episode. Nice positive ID on your ex, Chico!

Meanwhile, Jack reviews the super-secret recording in which only half the video is spoken in English. What's with this Ruskie dude's warbling? This actor makes Walter Koenig sound like a genuine Soviet Socialist.

Jack contacts Mr. Blonde seeking an ID on the Russian Mush-Mouth (Rush-Mouth). Mr. Blonde asks if Jack wants to ID the woman in the video too. Jack delivers the deadpan "She's dead" in reply, which was probably the funniest moment of this joyless season of the show. When Jack gets to Mr. Blonde's "Fortress of Soldiertude" he is forced to tell Mr. Blonde that he's wants revenge, not justice. Revenge is good enough for Mr. Blonde, and he gives Jack the name of the Russian.

Jack, showing he's the craftiest dude on the planet, calls the one reporter that gives a damn about who killed President Hassan- Jessica Stein. It takes Jack twenty seconds to convince Jessica Stein to help take down the whole system. Word!

Back at CTU, Chico, Jr. faces down Logan's lapdog in a fantastic act of useless heroism. It turns out the keywords "Hassan" "coverup" "lying bastards" "Russian sons of bitches" turns of a hit on the NSA's listening station! America, you've been warned about the NSA's abilities to infiltrate your phone conversations. So, the next time you want to discuss "underage girls" and "Lawrence Taylor" be prepared for an inquisition. Logan's manservant ditches his worthless conversation with Chico, Jr. and decides to let his supermodel assistant take over the investigation. Ah, the evil ones are so sexy and brilliant!

Speaking of sexy and brilliant, Charles Logan is told of this "major break" and he lavishes his manservant with ridiculously premature praise. Little do these bastards know that Chloe O'Brian is still Chloe and she will not take a cover-up standing down. Dissatisfied with the evil that surrounds them, Arlo and Chloe band together to cut through the cloudy walls of CTU. Who knew Arlo would finally become useful? Mazel tov!

Back in Loganville, Charles is back to ordering the murder of innocent individuals, giving Rush-Mouth the greenlight to kill Jessica Stein. There's something to be said for the professional killer-- Rush-Mouth won't off anyone without a work order. Right on, guy- we live in a world of procedural red-tape and bureaucratic back-stabbing. You get that authorization to kill an innocent person! That will absolutely absolve you of any murder charge if this whole villainous enterprise goes belly-up! Yikes...

Back at the UN, everyone has returned to their assigned seats and resumed the useless negotiations that were supposedly done hours ago. President Taylor looks like hell and the woman who lost her husband has to comfort the US President. Oh, what a world! Logan is busy creeping out Taylor in a side chat, insisting that he get some Presidential high-five for all of his awesome evildoing in making this false peace accord happen. Logan, ever the king of devious dealings senses that Taylor is losing her resolve. Will she give up the whole process at the last minute? Who knows? But Logan is now nervous, and when he gets nervous, people start dying right quick!

Jack goes to meet Jessica Stein in a turkey shoot at a shopping mall. Just as it appears that Jack will die (yeah, right) Mr. Blonde neutralizes Rush-Mouth. Even so, Logan's lackey has the whole place crawling with evildoers. Jack has to neutralize those guys on his own, escaping with Jessica Stein, Mr. Blonde and Rush-Mouth in tow. It's professionalism at its best. If I can do anything in my life with such cold efficiency as Jack Bauer, I will die a happy man. He is a national treasure, an example of the next step in human evolution. Mr. Bauer, I salute you!

Busy picking out his "comeback necktie" Logan gets the worst phone call possible from his lackey. The lackey tells Chuck to get the heck out of town, distance himself from the whole gathering shitstorm and let Taylor take the fall. To the lackey's dismay, Chuck says "No dice, kill Jack Bauer." Ordering it doesn't make it so, Chuck. The lackey knows this is a terrible idea, but he does what lackeys do, he follows his boss' terrible orders.

Arlo and Chloe work their laptops into a lather, trying to get an ID on Mr. Blonde so they can warn Jack of what he already knows- that Russians are out there trying to kill him. I'm not sure that Chloe realizes Jack's in the loop in a big way.

Back at the Fortress of Soldiertude, Jack gets to tell Rush-Mouth that he's going to make the guy's remaining minutes on Earth a miserable experience. Jack also informs Rush-Mouth that he assassinated the wrong redhead. Jessica Stein needs to be taken to another room for a "time-out" with Mr. Blonde. Holy Mother, I'm getting spun around by my own nicknames at this point!

Anyway, the interrogation starts with Rush-Mouth taunting Jack by saying "I keeeeel your bitch!" which only invites Bauer to commit a vicious attack on the dumb, cocky Ruskie. And things only get worse from there. Jack does everything he can to coax the Russian to talk. Nothing works... Jack realizes that the SIM card from Rush-Mouth's evil phone is missing and determines that it rests quietly in the poor bastard's gut. So, without even asking, Jack disembowels the dude, sorting through pierogies and a Snickers® bar to find the card. Wow. Viewer discretion is well-advised for tonight's episode! Jack puts the card into the phone and calls the last number, which conveniently identifies itself as the voicemail of President Charles Logan. Alright, now it's on for real!

Monday, May 03, 2010

24 Season 8: 11-AM-12PM Quick Review

"The evidence is out there, eventually it will surface"- Ethan Kanin's foreshadowing dialogue from last week's episode.

Logan has a very shady conversation in which he reveals nothing with his man-servant but he shows us everything- that he's truly up to something evil. That makes me very happy... because it will allow Jack to eventually kill him.

Meanwhile, the Dynamic Duo of Bauer and Chico, Jr. are ready to storm the waterboarding party set by a mustachioed D.B. Sweeney. You can tell that Chico is completely stoked to be working with Bauer for real. The light in his eyes- such vigor and arousal! Gone are those worried frowns he wore for the entire season!

Jack & Chico enter the dingiest building in all of NYC (and that's saying something) with relative ease, subduing Colin Powell, Jr. in a matter of moments. And to draw out the others, Jack imitates the geeky black dude's voice to fake out the bad guys. Hmmm, a white guy imitating a black guy who sounds like a white guy. Ya know, this makes up for Jack's German accent from earlier this season. Oh yeah!

But things get even better within moments- as Jack kills D.B. Sweeney while Sweeney is busy telling Jack he can't kill him. People, this is why 24 is such an amazing show. It takes the conventions of the genre and kicks them in the face with a new twist time and again. How many times have we seen someone hold a person hostage and the good guy has to take the shot? Well, how many times have you seen the good guy take the shot without letting the bad guy say a full sentence? Awesome!

And before I can complete my happy dance over that scene, Jack kills several other "defense consultants" before you can say "Dammit!" After successfully liberating a suddenly sassy Dana Waterboarded Walsh, Jack gives her his word that he will let her go once she gives over the evidence exposing the bigger plot. She laughs at Jack. This makes Jack angry. A fight ensues. Jack points a gun at Walsh and then at Chico, Jr. who loses his cool for a moment. Crazy, man! I feel like the redneck soap opera is starting to come up again.

There's a bigger soap opera unfolding with the Presidents- Logan convinces Taylor to appoint his man-servant as a Presidential mole inside CTU. Heh- an official mole- the First Mole, perhaps? Absurdity times one thousand!!! Taylor has done some dumb things in the past few hours, but things are approaching ludicrous speed. I'm half expecting her to outlaw Ben Stiller movies just because she's the president! Well, that might actually make me an ardent supporter of the lady...

Enter the Ruskies. Minister Nopeaceinourtimeovich meets with Logan and it's revealed that Logan has joined the Russian conspiracy. He offers to help the Russians kill Jack Bauer. So, more misery awaits our intrepid one-man army. I love it. Line up the entire might of planet Earth- I want to see Jack beat them all into the dirt. And Logan seems to employ the old Klingon proverb which says "revenge is a dish that is best served cold!" Nobody photon-torpedoes Chuck Logan, baby!

Back at "Days of our Walsh" Chico, Jr. and Dana arrive at the bank where they got pre-approved for a home loan to retrieve the beloved evidence for Jack. Walsh keeps playing mind-games with Chico, Jr's single brain cell, causing my eyes to roll backwards at an alarming rate. Chico's old high school buddy (who used to be a derivatives trader, I imagine, before being demoted to bank teller) comes in and smiles like a cocky bastard with that "nobody will ever shoot me" look on his face. He drops off the safe deposit box, smiles again thinking "I'm still completely bullet-free!" and leaves. Chico opens the box and gets a face-full of a booby trap set by Walsh. The noise this makes causes Day Trader to pop his head back in the room and before he can smile any bigger, he gets shot, ending his self-realized awesomeness forever. Poor effin' bastard! Walsh throws a lucite-covered chip in her back pocket and looks at an unconscious Chico one last time, deciding not to kill him, telling the audience that she's not a completely evil person. I guess the sex they had was that good.

Walsh escapes while Jack gets apprehended by two NYPD officers. They hold Jack in custody for a matter of 40 seconds before Jack gets out of the situation by sheer grit and determination... and shooting one of the cops in the foot. He follows Walsh into a conveniently abandoned building right off Lexington Ave, where the real estate is always in high demand. Once Walsh runs out of bullets, Jack corners her and forces her to hand over the evidence. With nothing left to do, Walsh pleads for her life. Jack does what he's done before... what he did to Nina Myers after she killed his wife. He commits cold-blooded murder! Adios, Dana Walsh. Millions of 24 fans cheer your demise!

That being the case, I am a bit disturbed by psycho Jack so far. But I suppose that's the whole idea, right?

Oh yeah, how about CTU desk jockey Devon Rosenthal?
Asian Jews! Only in NY, people!